I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
