let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
