Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
