corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
