Are we in a gay sports bar?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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