i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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