He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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