girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
