...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
