I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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