JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
