yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
