Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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