I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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