I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
