You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
