and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
