She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
