Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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