i would punch a child for taco bell
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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