We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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