4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize