he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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