I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
