Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
