Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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