I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
