cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
