when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
