Pants 0. Shit 1.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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