Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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