Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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