i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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