did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
