Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
