i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
