I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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