I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
