So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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