Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
