you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
