the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
