His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
