Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
