I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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