Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How external is "for external use only"?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
