Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
