Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
