are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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