well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fuck appropriateness.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She bit a glass in half.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
