Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
