I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
