ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think a kid would responsible me up
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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