i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
