I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
