HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
