he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
