I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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