Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
