His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
