At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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