I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
