Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
