Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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