Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
