Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
