his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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