so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and she was petting her beer can
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
