I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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