Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
