yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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