she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
