oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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