My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
