Screwed.edu
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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