There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize