Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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