God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
