i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
