For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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