My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize