let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
