but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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