none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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